I don’t care if you lick windows,
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself…
You hang in there sunshine, you’re friggin’ special.

i’m sick…been in bed all day…watching lost…this is helping:

• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you
• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
• Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris
• Chuck Norris is the only reason why Waldo is hiding
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it
• Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one
• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes
• Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany

my mom has got to be one of the funniest ppl i know and here’s an example:

we were watching the game last night when the phone rang, my mom picked up:

Mama: Na3am

Stranger who my mom thinks is my cousin: Aloo..nayma?

Mama: Laa! a7ad enam hal 7aza?

Stranger who my mom thinks is my cousin: Bete3mely eih?

Mama: A3mel eih ya3ny? Batfarag 3ala game Arsenal o Chelsea

Stranger who my mom still thinks is my cousin: Mal sootek?

Mama: Enta ely mal sootak?

Stranger who my mom still thinks is my cousin: 3afwan Madam A7lam mawgooda?

Mama (still thinking its my cousin!): A7lam mein ya ebny? Ma 3andenash A7lam

Stranger: 6ab ana mouta’asef

Mama finally realizes its a wrong number and hangs up!

* just to clarify my mom is not egyptian o kanat bas ga3da testa3be6 (thinking its her nephew) 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=nZMwKPmsbWE